In life, we interact with people who have different mindsets, experiences, and perspectives. Everyone sees the world through their own lens, shaped by personal experiences. Sometimes, we believe we are right, while at other times, we find ourselves criticizing and blaming others—or even ourselves. But have you ever considered that constant criticism and blame are signs of unhealed emotional wounds?
“We think we know enough to make the difference, and we judge, but that’s not always the case”.
In this blog, we will learn:
Summary
- Why do we criticize others?
- Why We Resist Being Wrong?
- How does blame serve as a defense mechanism?
- How inner healing leads to more peace and understanding?
- Bonus
- Conclusion
Personally, I used to believe in right and wrong, but when I started seeing things as neutral, I discovered something interesting! there is no absolute right or wrong. Everyone perceives things based on their own perspective either as they believe or as they are.
We Don’t See Things As They Are, We See Them As We Are.
By Anaïs Nin
So How Does Criticizing or Blaming Others Means We Need Healing?
Why Do We Criticize Others?
When someone does something in front of us that we don’t like or says something we disagree with, our mind or better yet, our Ego tends to protect us.
It acts as a defense mechanism by convincing us that ‘we are right’ and that everything we think or do is the absolute truth.
Yet, when faced with the possibility that we might be wrong, that’s where the real inner conflict begins.“
“We get triggered, and our reaction to what we feel is to criticize.”
Why We Resist Being Wrong
Admitting being wrong can feel uncomfortable and that happens for two reasons :
1-We Seek Respect and Validation From Others
We criticize to wear a mask, pretending that everything is okay and that we know better—hiding our flaws and lying to ourselves, believing we are perfect.
The world we live in respects those who appear flawless, referring to them as powerful, as if “that person knows everything.”
But in reality, we are all human, and no one on this earth knows everything 100%. We are constantly learning new things every day.
2-Our Belief System and Personal Experiences
In this case, we believe that life is either black or white, assuming that what we know is the absolute truth based on our personal experiences and learning.
When we perceive the world entirely through our perspective, it becomes difficult to accept opposing opinions or different viewpoints.
We have been conditioned to use judgment and criticism as motivation for self-improvement.
This often stems from childhood conditioning, where we grew up in environments that associated mistakes and being wrong with failure rather than learning and growth.
How Does Blame Serve As a Defense Mechanism?
In the case of childhood trauma and past wounds, when we step into the healing phase, we often blame our parents for the things that happened to us in the past—things that hurt us and that we didn’t understand at the time.
This happens for two reasons: first, because we loved our parents deeply and were so attached to them that it was difficult for us to process; And second, because the pain continues to affect us in the current moment.”
Why Is It So Hard to Let Go of Blame for Past Experiences?
We blame as a way of protecting our inner child—the mind attempts to shield and defend that little child from getting hurt again.
We blame as a way of running away from ourselves—by avoiding facing our problems. It’s easier to blame others, stay in the comfort zone, and avoid taking responsibility for what is happening rather than stepping into the unknown. It all comes down to fear.
“Change is not comfortable but necessary”
In other words, some of us blame our choices and reactions on others. This is often linked to childhood trauma, but in this case, it serves as a defense mechanism to avoid feelings of guilt, shame, or inadequacy. It protects the ego from self-reflection and uncomfortable emotions.
We blame because we are attached. We think they are our safe place, putting people on a pedestal and believing they will never hurt us—until we get shocked. Our first reaction then is blaming them.
True healing begins when we recognize the pattern and choose self-awareness over blame.
How Inner Healing Leads To More Peace And Understanding?
When we heal, we are free. We see people as they are—humans who make mistakes, fail, and sometimes don’t even know what they are doing—and that’s okay. Guess what? This is the point. This is where your freedom begins.
You don’t take things personally. You start seeing people as they are, not as they are supposed to be. You recognize their point of view, their wounds, and you understand—and let go.
You detach. When you detach, you no longer expect anything from anyone or expect people to match your imagination. You let them be free, and in doing so, you start to connect without attachment.
Bonus
When I say there is no difference between right or wrong, that doesn’t mean there is no bad or good behavior.
I mean that we are not in a position to judge people based on their actions because, in that moment, you never know—if you were in the same position, you might do the same thing!
We are all human; we make mistakes and learn from them. We exist in this world to experience and grow, and as long as we follow our path, we will find our way.
Conclusion:
Any trigger is the first step toward healing. Criticizing and blaming are acts of avoidance and running away from ourselves.
This is why it is so important to control our reactions by learning the power of no reaction—through acceptance, feeling, and then letting go.
I’d love to hear your thoughts! Drop a comment below and share your experience.
If you haven’t joined our community yet, now’s the perfect time—I’d love to connect with you! 😊
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